Some say that our biggest fear is the fear of death. Others say it is the fear of public speaking. I say our biggest fear is the fear of the Unknown. We all seem to be addicted with the need to know. We avoid the Unknown at all costs. It is not only uncomfortable, it is terrifying. Not knowing what is next and what the future holds, brings up our primal fears. What if I will be alone forever? What if I won’t have enough money to survive? What if I get hurt? What if I can’t support my family or myself? What if I fail? What if I succeed?
They say some amount of anxiety is motivating but a huge amount can be debilitating. I have known so many people who are unhappy with their jobs and their relationships. Then, with some stroke of luck, the universe happens to line things up and offer them the opportunity to get rid of the job or their partner. They either get laid off, fired or some muster up the courage to quit. Their partners leave them or they finally leave their partners. The universe listened with ears wide open and granted their wish; however, soon after the big change, fear starts to settle in. They begin to realize that not having a job stirs up feelings of financial insecurity or not having the comfortable relationship is frightening. Will I be okay? What will happen if I don’t get a job? What will happen if I run out of money? What if I never meet the right person? I think the essence of these questions is “Will I survive or will perish?” or “Will I ever be happy?” The instability….the not knowing brings about an unbearable amount of panic and anxiety.
I used to listen to a spiritual speaker talk about the limitless possibilities that abound in the place of the Unknown. “Very good reframe… a good way to shift my fearful thoughts” I said to myself, but inside, I really didn’t feel excited about limitless possibilities. In fact, the endless amount of possibilities just gave me a sense of being lost. Some say that some people are just more courageous than others; they are able to take bigger risks in life. In my personal experience, I didn’t feel very courageous when I sold most of my belongings, packed 2 suit cases and moved to Peru. I was so scared and my rational mind thought “I have no idea what I’m doing and what will happen to my future.” But something bigger than my fears led me to my decision. It wasn’t courage because I certainly didn’t feel courageous. I believe my Soul or my Higher Self led me to where I needed to be.
It is our Soul that brings up the feelings of uneasiness, discomfort, and sometimes dismay when we are off track, be it in our jobs or our relationships. Although the feelings that get stirred up are unpleasant, in the bigger cosmic picture, what is happening is actually something good as our Soul is calling us back Home. Sometimes it rings out so loud so we can pay attention. Something in us is awakening. It’s saying “Yo! This is not the right path. Abort! Change course!”
But how do we overcome this paralyzing fear of the Unknown so we can heed to our soul’s calling? What has helped me and others, who I know have learned to embrace or fall in love with the Unknown, is Presence…living in the Now. It was only when I learned to surrender my need to know and began to live in each moment (sometimes minute by minute), that the Unknown has stopped to be terrifying.
I remember when I came back to the US from Peru and lived in Hawaii. After studying the Hawaiian ancient healing with a teacher, my friend asked me what was next in my journey. I was deeply bothered. The truth was I didn’t know what was next and I felt the pressure to know it. I called my youngest sister in tears and told her how upset I was with the Universe. I gave up everything to follow what seemed to be a calling after all, and I had no idea what I was to do next. My youngest sister told me “You haven’t surrendered completely.” It took me several months or even a few years to realize what it was that I hadn’t completely surrendered ….it was my need to know.
Some people spend copious amounts of time trying to figure out what is next. They analyze using their brilliant and logical minds to come up with an answer but to no avail. Sometimes, an answer pops up from the level of the mind but this answer only leads back to the same question. When our Souls call, the mind cannot answer, only the Soul knows the answer. How do we access the answer from our Soul? Presence…. just being with what is. It requires dropping down to our bodies from our analytical minds so we can access our heart wisdom. Getting out of our heads and bringing awareness to how we are feeling as we are “doing” our lives, creates the space for inspiration (not strategy) to come through.
I spent countless hours in meditation waiting for an answer; it is the practice of Presence after all. What I came to understand is waiting for an answer, presumes that the answer is not already here; that it is somewhere out there or somewhere in the distant future. The answer is always present, it is Here in the Now. There is nowhere to get to and nowhere to be but Here. Clients always ask me, “So what do I do now?” My answer….”Nothing”. Our western world is so consumed with what we need to do. Maybe we can shift the question to “what do I need to be?”. Present….really Present. Not a day from now, not a minute from now. The ubiquitous answer is not only within us….it is all around us. If we can only be joyful as we live our lives in each moment, the answer that is already within us, emerges.
Surrendering the need to know is quite a feat. But the suffering we cause ourselves from constantly wanting to know is in the way of our inner joy and peace. When we begin to surrender, we begin to trust life. When we begin to live in each moment, surprisingly the answer surfaces from some of the moments.
What was helpful to me in surrendering was remembering the many times when the universe took care of me. It led me to meet the people I needed to meet; it provided me with a home when I didn’t have one; it provided me with the airline miles so I can fly to my next destination; it gave me a safe vehicle that transported me to wherever I needed to go. The universe always provided for all my needs. It taught me that it always had and will always have my back. All I needed to do is to let go…..let go of the need to know, let go of control, let go of being on the driver seat. Instead, I learned to flow with life and learned to discern which direction my soul was steering me.
I used to get puzzled when people talk about synchronicities and great flow and ease in their lives. I thought it was something that only happens to others but not to me. Now I know, it is something available to all of us…..if we only let go.
If you would like further support in your process, Rae Hipolito can guide you in accessing your heart wisdom. She is a licensed psychotherapist in California (lic# MFT42497) and developed the Heart-based psychotherapy approach. She is also a master energy healer and a Heart-based life coach. She practices the Quantum Heart Energy Healing; this modality organically came through her as she allowed the divine to flow through her. Please visit www.welcomehometoyourheart.com for more info or to book an appointment.